The first thing I thought when I turned this album on was, "is this secretly just a new release from short attention?" Apparently, it's not; it's seriously a new Steinways album. I mean, the term new is supposed to be used lightly here, because most of these songs were already out on EPs or compilations or whatnot, but they're new to me!
If you're not familiar with The Steinways, you can check out Bear's review of their album Missed the Boat. It's fun pop punk that often makes fun of itself for how strictly pop punk it is. The songs are short, catchy, and funny. And guess what? They're even shorter on this new release, and depending on the song, also funnier and catchier...okay, I don't know if anything released ever is catchier than every song on Missed the Boat. But, these songs are still fun and catchy!
Seeing as It'll Never Happen Again is 31 songs, I'm not going to be following my typical method of reviewing this time. I'm going to tell you how the record is overall (catchy and fun), tell you stuff I like about the band (they're sexy), and point out which songs or lines are my favorites. Easy to follow, yes? The Steinways are the perfect band for a bad mood when you want to make the happy happen. Grath's vocals are kind of raspy and on the whinier end, and a little childish sounding...which explains why I like his voice. There was also a joke on a Short Attention record about how if he had a deep voice he'd have been arrested for being a stalker by now. So it works out for him as well as the fans, I suppose.
"Milk Was A Bad Choice" is an awesome song for the Anchorman title alone, but it's also really catchy. Yeah, it's simple, but it's a singalong and that's what matters here. I also really like "Fucking February", which honestly is just a song that sounds exactly like a couple other Steinways songs. But that must be why I like it, right? This is no time to be a music snob; it's nofx's job to keep punk rock elite, not yours. This music is for head bobbing and singing along. Play this shit while you shower, drive, go jogging, or play video games. Or have sex. Play the record while you have sex. Your slampiece will enjoy it. Honestly.
You should also listen to "Are You Fucking Kidding Me", "Really Really", and "I Shit (You Not). I honestly think the third one there is probably the best on here. Really, it just sounds like it should be a House Boat song, though. By the way, new House Boat record is being mastered now. Awesome, right? A few of these songs might only feel like ripoffs of other steinway songs for the reason that I might've actually heard them before and forgot about it. This being the major reason while I'm not judging any possible acts of rehashing or whatnot. The song "Ice Cream" has the fucking jingle from the Mr. Softee truck!! How awesome is that? This is from the guys who brought you the song which was just focused on the tune some doorbells make when you ring them! Awesome.
What's new with this album? There's a couple acoustic songs: "Fuck You Guys (You're Out of the Band)" and "That Sorta Hot Pseudo White Trash Girl Who Used to Work at the Pool Hall." Of course, the only new thing about these songs, is that they're acoustic. They still fit the basic Steinways formula and all. There's really nothing more I can say in this review, other than you should definitely buy this album. It's awesome, fun music and you won't regret it a single time. It's not expensive either, and you can get from It's Alive Records, and those guys are the coolest people on earth, so I've heard. So it won't kill you to go for it. Honest.
-Idle
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